I would love to start this post by saying... I'm back. But honestly, I can't say anything close to that. After a week of rest, my big return to training was flop. Sure, you could say I am being too hard on myself, but really I'm not. I could barely make it 8 miles this week. That is sad for someone who completed 18 miles just three weeks ago.
At this point, I have to say my confidence is a bit shattered. I am sad, angry, scared and worried my left hip will not heal in time to run the marathon. At first, I thought my injury was just an IT band issue, similar to what I experienced at the beginning of training. Back then, I just got some new shoes, a massage, did some extra stretches and I was back to normal after a few days rest. This time, I did all that and even took a week off, but it didn't help. My first 5 miler of the week was great. The second run should have been 8 miles, but I cut it to 5 because my legs felt heavy and the humidity was making it difficult for me to breathe properly. I figured, if anything, I could just make it up later in the week. Of course, I did not. I skipped the run because my hip still didn't feel quite right. Then came the weekend long run, which was a disaster. Everything started out ok. My new shoes felt great, my mindset was positive and happy, my body felt good... until mile 5. My hip started feeling a bit sore. I kept plugging along thinking it was just a fluke and I was just over analyzing every weird feeling because I was worried. But I had a reason to be concerned. When I stopped for a water/walking break at mile 8, I was in pain. My hip hurt, even when I was walking. So I decided the best thing to do was to quit while I was ahead and head home.
This whole week has just taken the wind out of my sails. Any bit of hope and positivity I had has been replaced with fear, sadness and sheer disappointment. I have taken my training for the race so seriously. I have put in all the time and hours to make sure I completed all my training runs, didn't push myself too hard and took care of my body. I honestly thought I was succeeding, but now this hip thing is keeping me from moving forward. Sure there are five weeks left until race day, but what if it doesn't heal soon? I still have a 20 miler to get in before the race. And what if I can't run the race because of the hip issue? I know there is no shame in walking. I planned to stop several times throughout the race for brief walks to give my legs/body a rest. There is no way I can run the 26.2 miles straight through. But I have trained way too hard to not be able to run and have to walk the entire thing. That would just be a huge disappointment. I have always said "one and done" when it comes to this marathon. I do not want to run another one of these... EVER. So to not be able to run this race to my full ability would break my heart.
I know I am being hard on myself and there is still time. I am just finding it difficult to think positive and have hope about all of this. My friends and family have been very supportive, trying to cheer me up and keep me positive, and I thank them for that. Hopefully, they know something I don't.